Anonymous: Marshall Wilensky
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 Sun, 23Jan05, 02:50 PM EST |
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By now, it should be painfully obvious to everyone that the weather gods have a BIG problem with Lotusphere.
This is not the first time that horrible storms have interfered with staff, customers, Business Partners, analysts, the press, friends, Romans, and countrymen getting there. (Maybe we all should have acted even more humanitarily in response to the Tsunami.)
Clearly, urgent action is needed THIS WEEK -- before the end of Lotusphere 2005 -- to make amends and protect all future Lotuspheres!
I propose a four point plan (one for each day of Lotusphere):
1. Opening General Session -- Monday, January 24, 2005
Either Ambuj Goyal or the host of the Opening General Session -- whomever is the first to speak -- must ask everyone in the ballroom to refrain from any and all complaints about the weather for the entirety of Lotusphere 2005 -- that is, from that moment until the last paying attendee leaves the ballroom at the end of the Closing General Session.
2. Innovators Panel -- Tuesday, January 25, 2005
The panel member with the earliest hire date (preferably at Iris Associates, but Lotus is acceptable), on behalf of every developer who ever worked on Notes/Domino code, must apologize for every single SPR that was opened in response to a customer support call.
At his or her discretion, the panel member may choose to apologize for every single Lotus SPR ever written -- including those written by the developers and QA/QE teams themselves. Including IBM Workplace would be a good idea, too!
3. Lotusphere 2005 Party -- Wednesday, January 26, 2005
The Turtle (http://www.gonzolotusphere.com/gonzo/ls2005.nsf?Open) must be the guest of honor at the sacrifice of a small animal. (Preferably not a turtle. Or a Disney character. Maybe one of those plastic lobsters from a few years back?)
I hereby charge the C.U.L.T. guys --
Henry Newberry (http://www.cultshirt.com/newbs/cultshirt2.nsf/PagesByNumber/10?opendocument)
Rocky Oliver (http://www.lotusgeek.com/)
Andrew Pollack (http://www.thenorth.com/apblog4.nsf?Open)
-- and anyone they deem appropriate, with the tasks of creating the ceremony, choosing the precise time and place, and performing the ceremony.
4. Closing General Session -- Thursday, January 27, 2005
Sandra Marcus must ask everyone in the ballroom to observe a moment of silence -- prayer optional -- begging forgiveness on behalf of everyone who has ever been involved in any way with Lotusphere, Lotus Week, or any other conference, trade show, symposium, or Web seminar where Lotus products were shown or talked about for any weather-related inconveniences they ever experienced.
Respectfully submitted,
Marshall Wilensky
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